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HELP

Change to CELCOM!
Don't ask why! Just change!
This is what a friend should do xD
So, call me now to change ur operator to celcom.
Available for all others operators' users to change to celcom.
Pick up your phone now and call me for further queries.
Muahahaha

Lame jokes

DISORDER IN THE AMERICAN COURTS
These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts"
and are things people ACTUALLY said in court.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this male or female?
WITNESS: Guess.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of you autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. Would you like to rephrase your question?

ATTORNEY: ALL of your answers must be ORAL, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: Around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at that time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forgot.
ATTORNEY: You forgot? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why does that bother you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old was he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's 21.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

ATTORNEY: She had 3 children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a different attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? MINE?

source:soompi

Vacancy

I am writing for the sake of writing.
I am looking for those who can speaks well, aggressive(in the sense of promoting product), dare to talk, sound mind, whatever, and are in shortage of money to work.

As you all know, those Celcom, Digi, Maxis are running the program of changing operator but not the number you having now.
Well, this is the work you gonna do. All u need to do is persuade(including lie, cheat, force, impliedly forcing, expressly assaulting) them to change their operator to Celcom.

This job provides no basic, full commission based. For further information about the rate of commission, you can contact me personally.

If this job doesn't suit you, you can ask me for the other one, which is the credit card sales(include quite a number of banks). Just contact me or leave me a message if you needs a job.

Funny Stuffs

First scene----

Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently
and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was bragging the various
functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
'This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!'
'Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!' said Ah Lian. '
Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!'
So Ah Lian said, 'Let me try! I wan, I wan!'
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and
shifted the gear and floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards
and crashed into the lamp-post.
'Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo!
U see lah! Wah Piang eh!' screamed Ah Beng
'Solee, solee, pai sah lah!
No lah, I tot hor, 'R' for racing mah!'


Second scene----
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply base to collect underwear.
The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah? Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)! Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many? Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun.
One day one. Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear? Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen! Sergeant: (curious) How come six? Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei? Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!! Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for? Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.


Third scene,
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

Fourth scene,
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

Fifth scene,
Ah Beng complained to the police:
'Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house.
'Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?
'Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'

Sixth scene,
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole
'Thanks for complement.'

Seventh scene,
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

Eighth scene,
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

Ninth scene,
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi
goes walking in the Evening and notin the morning
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Hereby to exclude all liability this post will created.

LISTEN THIS!

Ice Cream - Talk To Me(《溏心風暴之家好月圓》插曲)


Talk to me
You speak with me
Don’t sink before you rise baby
Don’t fade away
You hesitate
You seem to wait
For all the time we had feels like
A world away
Who’s to say,
we’ll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don’t wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile
Cause we’re the same
And I know that we’ll never change
Look I bought your favourite ice cream
I don’t wanna see it melt away
If you walk out now
I don’t know if we’re gonna be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me


The memories
The things we did
I locked inside my heart
Where I know I won’t forget
And now, who’s to say, we’ll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don’t wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile
Cause we’re the same
And I know that we’ll never change
Look I bought your favorite ice ream
I don’t want to see it melts away
If you walk out nowI don’t know if we could be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me
I want you to stay here with me

I am in love with this song!